Once Upon A Time....
I could see my children sneaking about, whispering and giving each other conspiratorial looks. I pretended not to see, and smiled to myself, remembering the way I felt as a child when we made cards and other goodies for our mothers at school. I always hoped that the paste would dry correctly on my construction
paper masterpiece that passed itself off as a card for this special occasion.
Of course, my daddy would buy the real gifts and cards and have me sign the
one that he picked for me to give to Mother and he would nearly always buy
a box of handkerchiefs as my gift, while his was more elaborate and personal.
One year, he bought Mother a big baby doll for Mother's Day and she cried
and resented it for all time. I was puzzled, because Mother loved dolls and
stuffed animals. "This time, she later told me, it was as if your father was
trying to get me to have another baby, just at the time I wanted to return to
school". Much later, I remembered their argument in the bedroom about
"We should have just one more child before you get busy in school" ( that
was my father's voice of course) and Mother answering, "We have one boy
and one girl, there is no other kind of child I can give you". I can tell you, life
got pretty grim in our house after that, and in a few years mother and daddy
divorced. The third child never materialized and mother went back to school.
I always wished that I could cook because it seemed wrong that mother always
had to cook a huge dinner in honor of her own day. When I became a mother
I did the same thing. My husband Lester always gave me something special
for Mother's Day! Although I cannot remember specifics, I do remember that
he would bring me special chocolates with cherries inside, like when we were
courting, and some kind of trinket and we would more than likely go for a
walk with the children. In my memory, all Mother's Day Sundays were sunny
and bright.
As a child, we went to church of course, and everyone who had a living mother
wore a red flower, provided either by the church or bought from someplace
the night before. My younger brother Raymond, and I always were proud to
wear our red flowers. Mother wore a red one too, because our maternal grandmother was very much alive, and would stay that way until she turned
103 years old. My poor daddy always had the white flower, having lost his
mother at age eight and his grandmother while serving in the war. I wanted
so much to take his hand and tell him that it was okay. We would love him
enough to make up for all the love that he missed!
Well, those days are gone. I have four of my six children left. Some of them do
not even speak to me. I have raised and helped to raise grandchildren, and one
son recently died. He was the orchestrator of many of those secretive meetings
prior to Mother's Day. They would have put together their allowances and bought a cake, made home made cards and tried to cook breakfast.
Aaaahhh..sweet times, gone too soon, but remembered forever.
I have no idea what will happen this Sunday, but if nothing happens, I have
my memories and God has blessed me with many happy moments in my
life. This should be enough to get me through!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
All Worked Up
Hello World!
I wish that I knew what comes over a Christian like myself, every now and then that makes me want to place a head lock or a full Nelson on somebody who has done me wrong. I mean, at age sixty two and a half, one would think that I would have mastered these "urges to kill" at some former part of my life and would now be wandering happily along in the world of sixty-ish females, concerned with needlepoint and a cat collection, but no! I seem to be in some kind of limbo between twenty-something and infinity, and just when I think I have it under control, God reminds me that I am human!
Oh Darn it! There's that "H" word again. The one that grounds us Christians and reminds us that we are not angels or super folks but just plain people, trying to walk the right road, but sometimes, we take a u-turn and have the nerve to be amazed at our actions.
In the past week, I have had to deal with a couple of difficult and probably ongoing situations.
I navigated in and out of them, chewed on them, presented them to others who chewed on them with me ( makes it more edible when others chew on it too, like softening leather or something) and we all came to the conclusion that my hand is temporarily in the mouth of the proverbial lion and to snatch it out at this point, might mean losing a couple of fingers, or worse yet, the entire hand, elbow and forearm. Well, OUCH!
I am finding also that life is an eternal learning experience and you just never get away from the student's desk. No matter how big we grow, the desk ( sometimes) gets bigger, but the teachers remain the same. Some of the teachers are slow and easy, while others are task masters and mistresses from hell, and they are bent on teaching you the harder lessons. When you do not "get it" they hit you upside the head with a ruler, and if you still do not get it, they add tacks, nails, and other flailing materials to the ruler, until you are bloody and on the floor. Then they stand over you with a bucket of water in order that you are revived and begin to prepare you for the next lesson.
Sounds harsh, but there are no separate rules for older folks. I was silly enough to believe that life got easier so that we could skip into our twilight years with not a care in the world, having learned all that we could learn in those other, supposedly easier and younger years.
When I look back, those years have all been played out from the student's point of view. Sometimes I got to be the teacher, but most often, I have spent the time in learning, and none of the lessons were bad. Some harder than others, but all valuable.
I am thankful that my Christianity does not get in the way of my human self. From time to time, I lead myself to believe that living for Christ will exempt me from pain and toils, but a quick look at the scriptures reminds me that Jesus Himself was not spared the torture of the world's nasty attitudes and slick little plots.
From his earliest life, someone was always after Him and He had to deal with the Herod's and the Pharisees and the folks who were simply "out to get him".
So, back to my desk I go, thankful and prayerful, as I await the next in a long line of lessons!
"Lessons bitter learned, are sweet to know"
-anonymous
Friday, April 23, 2010
Yea Though I Walk.....
Warm From the Dryer
April 22 2010
Yea Though I Walk
*Scripture References
Good Afternoon Children Of God!
When I was a child, less than twelve years old , I loved attending church more than
most children. I didnt find it to be a chore or boring, because I loved the lessons, the preaching, the teaching and the atmosphere. Sometimes, I wished that church would never end and that the whole world was like our congregation, singing praises to God and feeling safe and secure among those who were like-minded and filled with love and peace! Of course, that was my little world.
It was about then that my mother began reminding me of an incident that had happened when I was eight years of age, that for some of you is a repeated story.
We were living in a lovely apartment on the west side of Chicago. I had already
been double promoted and I was a straight "E" student, which in those days was
the equivalent of straight "A"s because E stood for EXCELLENT~ You would think
that just about everyone might be proud of me and happy for my success!
My parents, especially my mother, never tired of bragging about how well I was
doing in school, and sometimes I caught the bored expressions on the faces of
her friends. They had heard it all before, and were sick and tired of hearing about
how Zenobia had aced the local spelling bee, or was doing "so well" in her piano
lessons because as I learned later, everyone is not happy for you at the same time.
To this day, I cannot understand this but I guess it has something to do with
the shortcomings of the other person. The smile pasted on the lips of those who
congratulate and pat you on the back, often hides a dislike so strong that if you
could see it uncovered and in it's real state, you would run away as quickly as
you can! In fact, when I was younger, I would go to the trouble of taking a real
quick look at those who were smiling one moment and when I walked away could
no longer hold their happy expression and the "real" face would be un-masked.
Nothing they could do would re-build that nasty look as they tried to pick the false
face up off the floor. I wanted to holler, "Too late, already saw your REAL face".
Let's go back to that memory that mother gave to me first, because I expressed
to her that I wished the whole world was like our church and by then, she had
slowed down on telling people how great I was! She said, "No you don't want
everything to be like church, because it can be one of the craziest places in the
world if you are not careful to go to seek God, and not the love of people.
"You will find some love, but everybody is not in love with you". I wondered
how she had come to that conclusion and why she had not known it when she
was going on about how smart I was, some years before.
The incident happened as I was leaving our apartment and heading for my walk
to school. I had two "best" friends who lived up the block, so I always joined
them and we had such fun talking and giggling our way along the four or five
blocks to school. We lived in Chicago, so the spaces between the buildings were
known as gangways, supposedly because the mafia guys used them to duck from
each other and the police. Whether this was reality or legend, you could see
between the brick buildings and most of the time, it was just alley activities.
Kids learning to smoke or kiss, or some one "relieving themselves" against the
garbage cans that were lined against the wall of the alley.
One particular day, I was walking along and I can tell you that it was God
Himself who brought my attention to the gangways, and I know it even more
because He didn't allow me to call out to Beverly and Edwina, two straight E
girls like myself, who lived in pretty apartments like me, and who were impeccably
clean and proper, like me. So, what were they digging into a garbage can for?
I watched them, without their knowledge, and a dread came over me such as I
had never known, as they fished something out of the garbage, wrapped it up
and headed towards an area where they would catch up to me.
When the girls caught up to me, they exchanged the usual pleasantries, and I still
didn't ask what they were up to. Along our walk, they kept taking sidelong glances
at each other and seemed ready to burst with laughter. Finally, one of them, I
do not remember which, asked in a guileless voice, "Zenobia, do you want a donut"?
As she said this, the other one produced a wrinkled wax papered piece of pastry
that had been bitten into. As I looked at it, unable to answer, the other one assured
me that she had only taken one bite out of it, and it was perfectly good! Something
in me knew right away that this was the item they had taken from the garbage.
"No thank you" I said, and my throat tightened with the horrid realization that
the two girls I loved the most, had invited and been invited to birthday parties
and who made sherbet with me and jumped Double-Dutch rope and shared
whispered secrets, had been setting me up to eat something from the garbage!
You are probably asking yourself, why would they do that? Was I hungry? Had I
asked them for food in the past? The answer to both of these questions is no.
Were they just mean and evil girls? Well, I guess they were, which is why my mother
reminded me that no matter how much someone smiles at you and pumps you up,
they can be as the bible says, "Wolves in sheep's clothing...ravening and seeking your
destruction". Again, the "why" of it comes to even my sixty two year old mind.
Speaking of that church thing, I used to love playing scripture games with other children in the time spent between Sunday School and 11:00 AM service. Sometimes the grown ups would line us up in front of the church and ask simple questions like, "What is the shortest verse in the bible" or they would play Bible tag with us. I played along until
near the time when my mother began writing a column for the Chicago Crusader and
she became more visible in our church as a speaker and leader. The scriptures remained
the same for the other children, but mine usually began with these words, "We know you're smart, because you are Sister Williams' daughter" and I kid you not, I have had to recite The Beatitudes, the Lord's prayer and the Ten Commandments in order to win the little prize for Bible Tag, which was usually a juicy fruit gum, that you couldn't
chew until you left church anyway! I soon gave up and began to sniff the air for
tricks and traps, but I realized that these old folks were not jealous of me. They
were jealous of my mother, and I paid a dear price.
Right now I am facing a betrayal of monumental status, but I am moving
along in spite of it. I know what God says will happen to evil-doers and those who
seek to "do me in". I serve a BIG, BIG God who will not allow my foot to stumble and He that keepeth Israel, (and me) will not sleep or slumber. He is covering my going out and my coming in, because He SEES little Zenobia, duped and done wrong so many times, that He simply tells me to "be still" and know that He is God~
How will I tie this in with the beginning of this devotional? I will put the crepe paper and bow on it right now.
Allow God to fight your battles. He already sees the scenario and knows how to
handle anyone who would try to do you harm. I am, as always...praying for all of
you in sincerity and asking that you would keep on the whole armor of God. We
may never uncover the reasoning behind the things that people do against us, but
we know that God will never leave or forsake us. That's enough to make us shout
to His glory all the more! Humans will always fail, disappoint and misdirect us.
It is part of human nature, as unfortunate as that may seem. Pray continuously
for you enemies. If your enemy is a professed Christian, pray for them all the more
that they would remember their motivation and their promise to God before any
other ulterior and "back alley" activities that they might want to practice. Knowing
God and doing anything against Him is something I would not want to involve
myself with.
Whatever you are going through right now, where the enemy is showing you that
you have been wronged once again, or been made to feel stupid, please do not buy
it for ONE MOMENT! You are not stupid, you are a child of THE MOST HIGH!
God is ironing it out, fixing it up and if it remains unresolved, will expose the
plot. He has done it in the Bible, and He has not forgotten how!
Love and Blessings to you!
*Psalm 23:4
Psalm 121:4
The gift of writing is the special ability that God gives to certain members of the body of Christ to formulate thoughts and ideas into interesting and meaningful written forms so that the reader will find courage, guidance, knowledge, or edification through the words shared with them.
Amazon.com: Jessie's House (9780982490914): Zenobia L Silas-Carson, Sharon Sun
April 22 2010
Yea Though I Walk
*Scripture References
Good Afternoon Children Of God!
When I was a child, less than twelve years old , I loved attending church more than
most children. I didnt find it to be a chore or boring, because I loved the lessons, the preaching, the teaching and the atmosphere. Sometimes, I wished that church would never end and that the whole world was like our congregation, singing praises to God and feeling safe and secure among those who were like-minded and filled with love and peace! Of course, that was my little world.
It was about then that my mother began reminding me of an incident that had happened when I was eight years of age, that for some of you is a repeated story.
We were living in a lovely apartment on the west side of Chicago. I had already
been double promoted and I was a straight "E" student, which in those days was
the equivalent of straight "A"s because E stood for EXCELLENT~ You would think
that just about everyone might be proud of me and happy for my success!
My parents, especially my mother, never tired of bragging about how well I was
doing in school, and sometimes I caught the bored expressions on the faces of
her friends. They had heard it all before, and were sick and tired of hearing about
how Zenobia had aced the local spelling bee, or was doing "so well" in her piano
lessons because as I learned later, everyone is not happy for you at the same time.
To this day, I cannot understand this but I guess it has something to do with
the shortcomings of the other person. The smile pasted on the lips of those who
congratulate and pat you on the back, often hides a dislike so strong that if you
could see it uncovered and in it's real state, you would run away as quickly as
you can! In fact, when I was younger, I would go to the trouble of taking a real
quick look at those who were smiling one moment and when I walked away could
no longer hold their happy expression and the "real" face would be un-masked.
Nothing they could do would re-build that nasty look as they tried to pick the false
face up off the floor. I wanted to holler, "Too late, already saw your REAL face".
Let's go back to that memory that mother gave to me first, because I expressed
to her that I wished the whole world was like our church and by then, she had
slowed down on telling people how great I was! She said, "No you don't want
everything to be like church, because it can be one of the craziest places in the
world if you are not careful to go to seek God, and not the love of people.
"You will find some love, but everybody is not in love with you". I wondered
how she had come to that conclusion and why she had not known it when she
was going on about how smart I was, some years before.
The incident happened as I was leaving our apartment and heading for my walk
to school. I had two "best" friends who lived up the block, so I always joined
them and we had such fun talking and giggling our way along the four or five
blocks to school. We lived in Chicago, so the spaces between the buildings were
known as gangways, supposedly because the mafia guys used them to duck from
each other and the police. Whether this was reality or legend, you could see
between the brick buildings and most of the time, it was just alley activities.
Kids learning to smoke or kiss, or some one "relieving themselves" against the
garbage cans that were lined against the wall of the alley.
One particular day, I was walking along and I can tell you that it was God
Himself who brought my attention to the gangways, and I know it even more
because He didn't allow me to call out to Beverly and Edwina, two straight E
girls like myself, who lived in pretty apartments like me, and who were impeccably
clean and proper, like me. So, what were they digging into a garbage can for?
I watched them, without their knowledge, and a dread came over me such as I
had never known, as they fished something out of the garbage, wrapped it up
and headed towards an area where they would catch up to me.
When the girls caught up to me, they exchanged the usual pleasantries, and I still
didn't ask what they were up to. Along our walk, they kept taking sidelong glances
at each other and seemed ready to burst with laughter. Finally, one of them, I
do not remember which, asked in a guileless voice, "Zenobia, do you want a donut"?
As she said this, the other one produced a wrinkled wax papered piece of pastry
that had been bitten into. As I looked at it, unable to answer, the other one assured
me that she had only taken one bite out of it, and it was perfectly good! Something
in me knew right away that this was the item they had taken from the garbage.
"No thank you" I said, and my throat tightened with the horrid realization that
the two girls I loved the most, had invited and been invited to birthday parties
and who made sherbet with me and jumped Double-Dutch rope and shared
whispered secrets, had been setting me up to eat something from the garbage!
You are probably asking yourself, why would they do that? Was I hungry? Had I
asked them for food in the past? The answer to both of these questions is no.
Were they just mean and evil girls? Well, I guess they were, which is why my mother
reminded me that no matter how much someone smiles at you and pumps you up,
they can be as the bible says, "Wolves in sheep's clothing...ravening and seeking your
destruction". Again, the "why" of it comes to even my sixty two year old mind.
Speaking of that church thing, I used to love playing scripture games with other children in the time spent between Sunday School and 11:00 AM service. Sometimes the grown ups would line us up in front of the church and ask simple questions like, "What is the shortest verse in the bible" or they would play Bible tag with us. I played along until
near the time when my mother began writing a column for the Chicago Crusader and
she became more visible in our church as a speaker and leader. The scriptures remained
the same for the other children, but mine usually began with these words, "We know you're smart, because you are Sister Williams' daughter" and I kid you not, I have had to recite The Beatitudes, the Lord's prayer and the Ten Commandments in order to win the little prize for Bible Tag, which was usually a juicy fruit gum, that you couldn't
chew until you left church anyway! I soon gave up and began to sniff the air for
tricks and traps, but I realized that these old folks were not jealous of me. They
were jealous of my mother, and I paid a dear price.
Right now I am facing a betrayal of monumental status, but I am moving
along in spite of it. I know what God says will happen to evil-doers and those who
seek to "do me in". I serve a BIG, BIG God who will not allow my foot to stumble and He that keepeth Israel, (and me) will not sleep or slumber. He is covering my going out and my coming in, because He SEES little Zenobia, duped and done wrong so many times, that He simply tells me to "be still" and know that He is God~
How will I tie this in with the beginning of this devotional? I will put the crepe paper and bow on it right now.
Allow God to fight your battles. He already sees the scenario and knows how to
handle anyone who would try to do you harm. I am, as always...praying for all of
you in sincerity and asking that you would keep on the whole armor of God. We
may never uncover the reasoning behind the things that people do against us, but
we know that God will never leave or forsake us. That's enough to make us shout
to His glory all the more! Humans will always fail, disappoint and misdirect us.
It is part of human nature, as unfortunate as that may seem. Pray continuously
for you enemies. If your enemy is a professed Christian, pray for them all the more
that they would remember their motivation and their promise to God before any
other ulterior and "back alley" activities that they might want to practice. Knowing
God and doing anything against Him is something I would not want to involve
myself with.
Whatever you are going through right now, where the enemy is showing you that
you have been wronged once again, or been made to feel stupid, please do not buy
it for ONE MOMENT! You are not stupid, you are a child of THE MOST HIGH!
God is ironing it out, fixing it up and if it remains unresolved, will expose the
plot. He has done it in the Bible, and He has not forgotten how!
Love and Blessings to you!
*Psalm 23:4
Psalm 121:4
The gift of writing is the special ability that God gives to certain members of the body of Christ to formulate thoughts and ideas into interesting and meaningful written forms so that the reader will find courage, guidance, knowledge, or edification through the words shared with them.
Amazon.com: Jessie's House (9780982490914): Zenobia L Silas-Carson, Sharon Sun
The Sucker Punch
A Morning Moment With Zee
April 23 2010
A Serving Of The Sucker Punch
Howdy Friends!
Hope your morning is going well! I am feeling even better today than I felt yesterday.
Many of you know me very well, and yesterdays "Warm From the Dryer" was a direct
result of having been dealt a surprising and particularly nasty blow to my spirit by
the enemy, all decked out in Christian clothing, wearing a smile and carrying the bible.
I tell you, these days you just cannot trust anyone, but look what I learned from
receiving my sucker punch. I learned ( should have known this already) that everyone
with Jesus on their lips, an olive branch in their mouth and who seem situated in
high places in the community, can be just as deceptive and worm-ridden as the
someone that we might deem to be of lesser status.
God has given me new breath and revelation,and I can do nothing this morning but
carry out my responsibility to pray for this misguided, avarice-led person.
God's word cautions us against ill gotten gains, and also cautions us not to mess with
His little ones. So, I release this situation to God and continue to do what I am doing.
Sucker punches are ones that take us by surprise and seek to damage us permanently.
Sometimes they can, but holding onto God's hand as the sucker punch comes our
way and after the blow has landed, prevents the devourer from knocking us down
and at the end we get to see victory! Hallelujah!
God is good everyone!
Have a wonderful, victorious day in Him!
The gift of writing is the special ability that God gives to certain members of the body of Christ to formulate thoughts and ideas into interesting and meaningful written forms so that the reader will find courage, guidance, knowledge, or edification through the words shared with them.
April 23 2010
A Serving Of The Sucker Punch
Howdy Friends!
Hope your morning is going well! I am feeling even better today than I felt yesterday.
Many of you know me very well, and yesterdays "Warm From the Dryer" was a direct
result of having been dealt a surprising and particularly nasty blow to my spirit by
the enemy, all decked out in Christian clothing, wearing a smile and carrying the bible.
I tell you, these days you just cannot trust anyone, but look what I learned from
receiving my sucker punch. I learned ( should have known this already) that everyone
with Jesus on their lips, an olive branch in their mouth and who seem situated in
high places in the community, can be just as deceptive and worm-ridden as the
someone that we might deem to be of lesser status.
God has given me new breath and revelation,and I can do nothing this morning but
carry out my responsibility to pray for this misguided, avarice-led person.
God's word cautions us against ill gotten gains, and also cautions us not to mess with
His little ones. So, I release this situation to God and continue to do what I am doing.
Sucker punches are ones that take us by surprise and seek to damage us permanently.
Sometimes they can, but holding onto God's hand as the sucker punch comes our
way and after the blow has landed, prevents the devourer from knocking us down
and at the end we get to see victory! Hallelujah!
God is good everyone!
Have a wonderful, victorious day in Him!
The gift of writing is the special ability that God gives to certain members of the body of Christ to formulate thoughts and ideas into interesting and meaningful written forms so that the reader will find courage, guidance, knowledge, or edification through the words shared with them.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
What God is Doing....
I am telling you! God is all over this Jessie business. A sister who ordered from us last week didn't leave her lobby before beginning to read Miss Jessie. She started right down on the mailbox level and just sent this message to me.
Your book arrivedbut do not quote me on the date because it got to me beforeI got to it.I don't go to my mailbox everyday and honestly with Amazon their books take a minimum of 2 weeks to arrive. So imagine my surprise when your book arriived before the week was up.I went today (Sunday) and received it but we both know the Lord didn't make a special delivery today, (or perhaps he did) but more than likely it came Thursday.I was sitting at the mailboxes with my mailbox hanging open reading it.Girl, you found your place and mission and purpose in life with your writing.Praise GOD. Trish-aaah
Is that a blessing or what? Then I got another order on the Amazon site and an invitation to partner with Sundie Morning Sistas and Reverend Fran A. Times-Mack. I will be doing a lot in the future with many people, but when I say we, I mean GOD is doing this for me and with me. I look forward to hearing from
Art Cunningham about appearing on his program and then I have not heard yet from Ann Sandell. Praying still about the Oprah program! Lord, if anyone from that show should call me, I am going to faint. Well, I will get up and get myself together, but first, I plan on fainting like I nearly did when I spoke with Maya Angelou!
Lord, I just thank you so much for blessing me! Thank you for blessing my life!
Thank You JESUS! Life is so different and will "never be the same".
I remember that a woman minister said to me ( At the Secret Place gathering) that I would "write" my blessing! That was back in 1998! I joined the Writer's Guild in the same year and I began signing my name: Zenobia L Silas-Carson.
There was revelation in that. I know it now.
PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Preparing For The Retreat
From June 24th to June 27th, I am scheduled to be in attendance at a women's retreat in Janesville Minnesota. The place is called the Holy Spirit Retreat and the group I will be joining
is the Non-compromising Women of Faith, better known as the NWOF.
Now, there will be many women of all denominations present, so we are believing God for
something beautiful to happen and we are told that no one will leave with their hearts unchanged. Wowsers! I am looking forward to that!
I have not been on a women's retreat in over ten years. It will be wonderful to congregate with like minded sisters and go off into the woods and commune with the Lord! I am so pumped!
A sister friend of mine has recently gone to her retreat and though she is able to share some
of what happens, it is impossible to share all of what God gives you at one of these gaterhings.
That's because it is just you and He and even if you are among a throng of others, He still
speaks to YOU alone. I need to be spoken to during these dark days. My heart is longing to
hear from the Lord and to know He is speaking only to me.
I will not give the enemy any air time on this blog, so I will just say, "I know that I have done
my best" I could have done nothing further.
God is good. That is all that I have to say.
My Leah Blog
Last night, I played around on this blog site and found so many dressed up and beautiful blogs that when I came back to my own, I felt as if I should throw on something a little better.
The pictures and captions and backgrounds of the other bloggers intimidated me more than
a little, and as usual I began comparing what I can do to the capabilities of others.
It's a long story, beginning in childhood, when I felt beautiful and according to my parents, I was
beautiful, inside and out..until I got to grade school and perhaps the fourth or fifth grade, when like Adam and Eve, everyone's eyes seemed to open and being smart and witty no longer counted. You had to be beautiful. There was something about the upturned nose and long silky hair of some girls that caused boys who had little experience in judging between attractive and
"not so" suddenly became experts at casting the so called "ugly" girls into a sea of "make her play, eat and do everything else with her "own kind" and so it went.
For all of my precociousness, my ability to sing, write, draw and play the piano, I was cast into the double sea of nerd and unattractive. I cursed the day that my mother met my daddy because I deemed it to be his fault that I had the nose, that awful shnozzola placed in the center of my face, and though my hair was moderately long, I felt that my features were on backwards, with no earlobes to speak of, and thin, un-enticing lips.
I lurched my way through adolescence, being a little too free with my "behind the auditorium" favors and it occurs to me now, that the boys who thought I was so unattractive had no problem taking me someplace in the high school gymnasium, when nobody was looking and doing little nasty boy things.
Anyway, when our pastor told the story of Jacob and Leah, I sat there and wept. I figured that Leah had gotten the short end of the stick. Jacob, a trickster in his own right, had the nerve to protest that he had been tricked. As much as the bible goes on to tell us how beautiful Rachel was, we never hear if Jacob was a catch or not, but we do read about the trials and tribulations of Leah, who just wanted to fit in, to feel loved if not beautiful. We know how that story ends. Leah has a slew of babies for the thankless Jacob, who worked for his father in law seven more years so that he could get his mitts on the ravishing Rachel, who stole some of her father's treasures on the way out, and had Laban hoofing it up the road, in hot pursuit of Jacob, believing that he had stolen his golden treasures. Wow! What a story.
So, when I looked at my plain and simple blog and compared it to others, I thought, "Here you go again, Zee.....and I had to stop right there.
My blog is about progress and moving on. It is about triumph and happiness!
Jessie Mae is a blessing to me. Through all that I have suffered in life and all of the suffering I have seen, God has brought me to a place of beauty and light. Double for my trouble.
I can do nothing but rejoice in His favor, because like Leah who was shown favor by God and given many sons, whom no doubt loved their mother and gave her great pleasure, God has given me plenty to rejoice about and if this site never gets decorated, I am thankful to have it to share with others.
Thank You Lord, for allowing us to see beauty in the little things.
Thank you for my Leah Blog.
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