Since childhood, I have always tried to push the issues and force things to happen. I could barely wait for Christmas, and kept trying to orchestrate the thoughts of my parents to get them to yield to giving me something they probably were going to give me anyway.
I was sort of like that kid in the movie "The Christmas Story", yammering about my wants during the season as if I could hypnotize my folks into getting me that much coveted doll or book.
Most times I got my way, because Christmas and birthdays were big with my parents.
They had grown up poor and my daddy especially wanted his two children to have every single
thing their hearts desired. So, when we woke up on Christmas morning, the space beneath the tree was generally loaded with our listed items and it was time, for me at least, to begin working on the next holiday or day of giving, so I could be sure that we got what we wanted. After all, as the oldest child, six years above my brother, I felt it my duty to think for the both of us.
Unfortunately, that attitude went straight into adulthood. I tried to coerce my friends, family and love interests into doing my bidding. I would drop a hint, or blatantly announce something that I wanted, then sit back and pretend to be surprised or in awe when it happened, when in fact I had nearly brow-beaten them into their so called decision.
You might say, "Well, it's okay to drop a hint from time to time, so we receive the right gift" and I guess that's okay. I have no objection to that, but there are many like me who believe that the gift or idea or whatever, will not be the same unless we push it. Especially when it comes to asking God for something. We say it over and over in prayer and make a mantra of it as if God is deaf. We use the tactics that we use on humans so that we can get our way, and often the object or focus of our prayer is not what God wants for us, or what He wants for us "right now".
I have prayed for years for one thing and God has blessed me big time with every thing BUT that thing. Most likely, He knows that I am not ready for the thing, or that I would spend all of my time and energy nurturing or paying attention to that thing, and right now, He wants my full attention and total dedication, so I still do not have that thing.
Besides, remember what I said about getting my way. Very often, when I attained the thing I wanted most as a child, I would play with it for a while, make it bigger than the other things that I already had, then it was discarded as the "big thing" as I made plans to get the "next best thing". When the "new" wore off of my coveted belongings, I would tire of them and move on.
God does not want this kind of half attention from us, and most of all, He does not want us to use prayer as a means of swaying Him in one direction or another. Prayer is about asking, of course, but it is also about adoration and humility. We ask God to bless us, but it is His business to give the blessing in His own timing and in His own way.
It might not be the new house right away, or it might be the new house, job or even a spouse, but not in our timing. We are flawed in our intentions, and we want what we want when we want it. God does not work that way.
Keep praying. Never cease in your belief that God is going to bring it to you. Whatever your heart desires, but we must understand also, that God is not to be played with. He knows when we are pushing the buttons to make the event or happening fit our agenda instead of His.
Let go and let God says a lot, and I am learning each day of my life, to give it to Him and allow Him to make things happen!
Right now, I am going back to bed! Thats one thing that I can make happen. I was up late, sharing the news of the book sale. I am bushed!
Love and Blessings!
Sister Zee
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